From an old notebook, in the attic (a poem)

You came to me
albeit it was in a dream
you looked kinda funny
and you broke my heart once again
like a giant nutcracker
shattering the very life out of me
and here I am
with my fake fingernails
and I am silent and quite
but I am dying inside
but I am screaming inside
but I am bleeding inside
and
all I want
is to take my life back
back from you
who never owned it in the first place
back from him
back from everyone we know
and all I want
is to come to you
with my fake fingernails
and to rip your rib cage open
and to tear your heart in pieces
within a inch of its life

and all I want
is to sit there and watch
grinning
the queen of your useless world
while you are dying in agony
slowly
and for once it is you pleading
but
I am soulles lifeless barefoot naked
I am devoid of any life, or joy, or love
or affection of any kind
you sucked those from me – remember?
hoovering me all over

and
I’d just like to have my voice back
to scream at the top of my lungs
only I am on mute
deaf and dumb
and my pain is frozen
in my chest in my mind in my bones in my heart
I cannot even cry
this is killing me
only I am dead already
and it’s kinda funny
but at least here you are
in my dreams at last
rolling at my feet
and I am spitting my sullen swollen soul
all over you
and I am walking with my twelve inches stilettos
all over you
and I’ll do it again and again and again
until the end of the world
every damned day of my cursed life
in my dreams al least
and at last I will laugh histerically
rolling with laughter
I will laugh and laugh until it hurts
more than this pain
I will laugh and hurt until it kills you and me
in my dreams-

(@OphelinhaPequena)

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